Fall is here!

This is always my favorite time of year!! It's cozy and the colors are amazing! There is a definite chill today and with the recent rains it smells like wet leaves. I am so tempted to build a fire in the fireplace and make some hot apple cider with caramel! Oooooooooo, with heavy cream too. Nummy.... hmmmm. slurp.

The most romantic way to say it ... autumnal equinox. How loverly is that?

I am planning next week's projects today and relaxing, reading and sketching ideas for sewing. It is the perfect day to wear cushy socks and curl up in a comfy chair.

So far nothing in this post is gonna help me toward my goals here! Nummy things to eat, laying around and veggin'! Mental activity doesn't burn many calories. So before I do those things I will ride my bike for 15 minutes and I think today I will put on a sweater and go outside to do it! That does sound fun actually!

Dad came up with an idea for keeping me going through work I think I'll try. He suggested I chop a couple apples into bite size pieces and put them in a container to chomp on through the day. I like it. Also gonna take some cheese sticks and protien shake. And maybe for the following week I'll go get some buffalo pepperoni sticks and cut them into bite size snacks too!

I am trying to imagine what I would like my life to be like in a year from now.

• Physically- lose at least 50 pounds. At less than 1 pound a week this is very doable.

- stronger. more graceful. lithe... my face is squinching with that last word! I believe it is possible and worth fighting for! I want to be more at ease with my body.

• Mentally- I want to learn certain computer programs.

- Want to hone my skills in writing, sewing, and knowledge of God's Word.

- learn spanish?

- Understand and utilize my finances better.

• Spiritually- This is the biggest area to me. I want to be more constant in my faith. I want to recognize the devil's lies for what they are more quickly and be fast to fight them with the Word of God , and the strength of my testimony. I want to resist that horny ol' toad and tell him to beat it. When I come to obstacles I want to turn to God first and always for direction. I want to obey more often and more quickly. I want growth like I've never known before today. I want to be closer to God's heart. I want to know Him better and more intimately than ever before. I could keep on but basicly, I want more, more, more and always more of my Jesus. MORE.

Well, time to start!!

Hope renewed!!

After a soul trying week at work I felt doubt about everything.... I mean everything! Will I ever be able to get my dreams off the ground? Will everything I hope for be just out of reach? Am I ever going to be able to get this weight off? Hope had vanished, depression shadowed me, and I was dogged by lies.

I am reading a book by John Eldredge that is speaking to me at so many different levels. The book is Waking the Dead; The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive. Girl, that is what I'm after! To quote; "Things are not what they seem. This is a world at war. Each of us has a crucial role to play." I'm not sure what God is planning , or what I will be learning but I KNOW that HE is at work!! The sermon by a guest pastor this past Sunday pointed out that as the chosen of God we are unstoppable. I sure didn't feel unstoppable. More like stuck. Useless. Hopeless. But I am so glad to say that I am hungry for Jesus! HUNGRY! I need me some more Jesus! Please show me who I am to you Lord. What am I to you? Show me what you see.... open these eyes blinded by discouragement, doubt, fear and looking to all the wrong things! God show me what I need to do to please you... I want to know I make you smile. Help me to hold strong to the faith that strengthens my step. Hold me hand and lead me on. I want to focus on your voice this week. When the devil steps in and tells me it's all just no use, I want to tune my ear to you and find my joy and strength in what You say about me and my life. My soul cries out to you to fill every void.

I was discouraged about my weight and unsure I could do anything about it as long as I am working where I am. A wonderful lady I love at church encouraged me on Sunday and now I can say I may not be able to do it all the way I'd like but I can do what I can and pray God will handle what I can't. He is fully able where I am not.

I was low about what seems like being stuck where I am. God will order my steps if I am righteous. Am I righteous? I am covered by Jesus righteousness.... so yes, because of Him I am righteous. Not of myself I could never be righteous enough but because of His sacrifice on the cross, His glorious resurection I am risen to new life. When God sees me, He doesn't see my extreme lack but Jesus clothed me with His righteousness. I know this seems impossible... but it's all there and it means that my steps are ordered of the Lord. I will trust Him.

My family spoke encouragement to me tonight. Words of love and power spoke over withered hurting me. It took hold. Hope renewed. The fight is back in me!

End of week 1- 242 pounds 49% bodyfat